Why We Shouldn’t Always Solve Our Kids’ Problems (Even If We Can)

They’re trying to zip their jacket.

The zip’s crooked. The sleeve’s inside-out. Their face is scrunched in pure frustration.

You’re watching, hands twitching, heart saying just help them!

And sometimes… we do.

We step in. We fix it. We finish the puzzle, solve the argument, or tie the shoe—because it’s faster, easier, calmer.

But here’s the thing.

Every time we jump in, we’re taking away something too.

That beautiful in-between moment where their brain starts firing, their patience is tested, their little voice says, “Hang on… I can figure this out.”

That’s the gold.

Because struggle isn’t a problem. It’s practice.

And the more chances kids get to struggle just enough and succeed, the more they learn how to handle the world—with confidence.

Let’s talk about why stepping back—at just the right moments—might be the best kind of support we can offer.

Why Solving Every Problem Isn’t the Solution

You see it unfold in real-time. Your child struggles with something—maybe they're trying to zip up their jacket, build a block tower that won’t stay up, or figure out how to open that snack packet with the impossible seal.

And every instinct in your body wants to step in. Just grab it. Fix it. Smooth it over. End the frustration.

It’ll only take a second, right? But here’s where it gets tricky.

The second we jump in, we take something from them. Not their toy. Not their snack. Their chance to figure it out.

Struggle Is Not the Enemy

It’s easy to look at a child’s frustration and see a problem that needs solving.

They’re upset. You have the solution. Simple.

But not everything frustrating is bad. Some things are frustrating because they matter. Because they require focus, patience, and trying again.

And if we’re always smoothing the path ahead, we’re also robbing them of the lessons baked into the struggle:

• How to keep going when something doesn’t work.

• How to try a different approach.

• How to regulate those big emotions without melting down.

Every challenge—big or small—is a little emotional workout. And just like a physical workout, the gains come from doing the reps.

Why Resilient Kids Aren’t Born — They’re Made

You’ll sometimes hear people say, “Kids are just more resilient these days.” But resilience isn’t something you’re born with. It’s something that’s shaped — through experience.

Think about kids growing up in tougher environments. You can see it in the way they navigate obstacles, make do with what they have, and solve problems with whatever’s around them. It’s not magic. It’s not mystery. It’s exposure.

They’ve had more chances to figure things out. More space to struggle. And with that comes confidence.

That doesn’t mean we should go looking for hardship. But it does mean we shouldn’t be too quick to cushion everything.

If we always jump in the second things get uncomfortable, our kids don’t learn how to push through it. They start seeing struggle as a red flag, something to avoid, something to fear. They start believing they’re not capable unless someone steps in.

And that belief doesn’t just stick around for a little while.

It follows them into their teenage years. Into adulthood. Into every situation where they second-guess themselves because they’ve never had to rely on themselves before.

What Happens When You Let Them Try First

Letting your child struggle doesn’t mean standing by while they drown.

It means watching long enough to see what they can do before you intervene.

It’s that little pause when you see them trying to solve something. The few seconds you resist the urge to take over.

That moment of holding back gives them the chance to step forward.

And often, they surprise you.

They figure it out. Or they don’t. But they try again. And that’s the muscle we want them to build.

Because confidence doesn’t come from praise. It comes from doing.

From seeing evidence, over and over, that they can.

So How Do You Know When to Step In?

Here’s the filter:

• Are they safe? If the answer is yes, wait.

• Is it age-appropriate? Can they realistically handle this on their own?

• Have they had time to try? Give them a moment. Let the silence hang.

• Did they ask for help? That’s your green light to step in—not to fix it, but to guide.

Instead of doing it for them, try asking:

“What do you think you could do next?”

 “Want a hint?”

 “Almost got it—want to try one more time?”

They’re still getting support. But you’re not stealing the win.

It’s Not About Making Life Harder

Let’s be clear: the goal isn’t to create unnecessary challenges just for the sake of toughness.

It’s about not removing all the challenges.

The hard bits are where growth happens.

And when a child learns to sit with a little discomfort and push through—whether it’s tying a shoe, managing a disagreement, or figuring out a tricky toy—they’re doing far more than just the task at hand.

They’re learning how to handle life.

Letting Kids Struggle is Letting Them Grow

It’s tempting to step in and fix things — especially when it’s your child. But sometimes, the greatest gift we can give them isn’t a solution… it’s space.

Space to figure it out. To try. To fall over and get back up.

That’s how confidence is built. That’s how kids learn they’re stronger than they think.

At Centenary Childcare Centre in Mount Ommaney, we believe in nurturing independence, not just intelligence. Our educators know when to guide and when to step back, giving children the room to problem-solve, explore, and grow into capable little humans.

If you’re looking for a childcare centre that builds real-life resilience — not just routines — we’d love to meet you.

Secure your child’s place on our waitlist today and give them the space they need to thrive.

👉 Join the waitlist now